It is not uncommon to be accused of doing bad things, but claims don’t make it true. Here we work out if you are the Bad Guy, Mistkaen or Scapegoat.
Being accused of doing bad things doesn’t mean that you are bad. It may mean you did do a bad thing, it may mean that they just think you did a bad thing. But how do we tell? They seem to have already made up their mind. Are we bad?
So – are you a bad guy, made a mistake, or are you a scapegoat?
You may also like:
Here is a self check guide:
Bad Guy self-check: You know you did the bad things and it wasn’t:
* Self defence
* Defending an innocent
* The least harmful option
* Ignorance that it was bad at the time
YOU MADE A MISTAKE
– Apologise
– Learn from what you did
– Find a better way
– Do the better way
Bad Guy self-check: You know you did the bad things:
* knowing it was bad
* had other options that weren’t bad
* you’d be happy and willing to do it again…
YOU ARE A BAD GUY
– lean into it
– be proud of your villainy
OR
– Recognise that we were all young and foolish at some point
– Grow up
– Learn how to do better
– Do BETTER
Scapegoat self-check: You didn’t clearly do what they accused you of, including them using:
* Special Pleading (a complex tenuous story is needed to make your actions bad)
* Distorted values (values are applied that most people wouldn’t agree with [you can check with others])
* Paucity of details (eg: you know what you did; but you don’t and they won’t tell you)
YOU ARE A SCAPEGOAT
– Be careful of these people
Caveat: You don’t recall the incident
If they DO have reasonable evidence:
* Assume they are telling the truth
* Work out why you don’t recall, get help with that
If they DON’T have reasonable evidence:
* Do your own investigation (Look for proof *if you did* and *if you didn’t* do it.)
* Consider this may be a false claim, *consider the source*
* Remember: great claims require great evidence
So YOU ARE A SCAPEGOAT, now what?
* You can give the counter evidence
* You can sympathise with their experience (even if the evidence doesn’t support them)
– They don’t have to listen
You Can’t Make Them Change Their Story and Not Be A Villain (in their eyes)
…
BUT you can stop being a villain in your story
* You can stop interacting with those who see you as a villain despite the proof
* You can find people who see you truly
