Controversial Therapist Opinion: There is no such thing as lazy.
All the things that people point to, when they say lazy, are either about conformity behaviours (conforming to someone else’s wants, controlling people’s expression of themselves), or ignores an actual disability of some kind (whether diagnosed or not).
I too believed in laziness when I was younger.
However, the more that I have worked with people, mostly neurodivergent, but also various physically disabled people, the less I have been able to sustain this false belief – that people are just lazy.
We evolved to work in groups to share our strengths and abilities. We evolved intelligence to solve complex problems, so we can work smarter rather than just working harder. We evolved creativity to come up with completely new ways to solve problems efficiently.
When people aren’t fitting the patterns of cooperative actions, and or intelligent & creative problem solving, that tells me that something gone wrong – usually biological, sometimes environmental.
I try to think of the hypothetical stereotypical ‘truly lazy person’. I imagine what they would be like, or recalling someone that I had either called or thought of as lazy.
I put my therapists hat on and examine them like I would a client that has come to see me for help. These are the questions I have:
1. “Have they been tested for ADHD?”
– ADHD makes it very hard to make the right priority calls when you have energy, and it robs you of energy, forcing you to cull whatever you can so that you can do what you really need to do.
– ADHD makes it hard to sustain solutions that you creatively create. ADHDers are often more creative than other neurotypes. Some can channel that into money making things, but find that outside of that specialisation, life is very hard.
2. “Are their medications correct?”
– When medications are wrong, it can sap your strength, stamina, mood and cognitive ability.
– It’s very hard to do things when you feel awful.
3. “Do they have a heart or breathing condition?”
– Cardiopulmonary (heart and or breathing) conditions can be subtle, robbing you of stamina and energy.
– Anxiety and depression are common secondary conditions when your cardiopulmonary condition affects your energy and stamina.
4. “What is going on with their metabolism?”
– Chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, autoimmune and other conditions can mess up your metabolism and energy levels.
– Brain fog and mood disorder (like anxiety and depression) are common secondary conditions to these conditions.
With any of these conditions, you literally don’t have the sustained energy to do things, and often resort to adrenaline drives to get things done – until they run out and you crash – These look like burnout and depression.
When I see people who would benefit from one of these assessments (to find the underlying problem), but they refuse to proceed, I begin to wonder:
1. “Are they stuck in fight/flight?”
– because you it is hard to see a different future when you are trying to survive the moment.
2. “Have they internalised helplessness?”
– If you are told you are lazy, useless, or a burden often enough, you’ll begin to believe it as a fact.
3. “Do they have the kind of anxiety that bullies them into not believing that they could get help?”
– I had this problem. I felt very anxious at the thought that maybe there was a reason why I was struggling all of the time, and very anxious about taking medication. I believed that taking medications made me weak – because other people don’t need them.
It turns out, those people don’t need them because they don’t have a medical condition. Their brains make enough of the dopaminergic (dopamine, noradrenaline and adrenaline) for them to not need medications. ADHD is like taking a reverse medicine, that limits the amount of neurotransmitters I should have to the point that life is a massive struggle. ADHD medication offsets this neurological ‘reverse medicine’, so that I get closer to what neurotypical people have.
Me not taking medication is like going to a running race, tying a huge tire to my waist with rope, and wondering why I’m falling behind.
I don’t begrudge people with a heart condition their heart meds… why do I begrudge myself medication for my equally valid medical condition?
Don’t let your anxiety, or family, bully you into not getting help with your condition. Get a proper assessment, get a diagnosis and try the medication.
Help is possible.
If your doctor isn’t taking you seriously, try another doctor. If they don’t, come and see us. We’ll help guide the assessments so that they are useful.