Choosing to Change

Change is hard, takes work and may not work the way you want it to. This is why most people try not to make changes.

This can lead to some of the common traits of denial, bargaining and anger rather than making the necesarry changes to meet the situation.

People will invest a great deal of effort into not making changes that will help their lives.

“When faced with the need to either change or prove that change isn’t necessary, most people get busy with the proof” – John Galbraith

"When faced with the need to either change or prove that change isn’t necessary, most people get busy with the proof" - John Galbraith

Trauma Coaster

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, life happens and all that we can do is hold on until the ride is over. It may seem scary and that we can’t possibly survive, but we will and do. This feeling is called the Trauma Coaster.

Trauma Coaster: Recognising that you are in for a wild ride, that there is very little you can do about it, but you’ll be okay in the end

Trauma Coaster: Recognising that you are in for a wild ride, that there is very little you can do about it, but you’ll be okay in the end

Schrödinger’s Douchebag

Some people say mean things, and when they get chastised for it, will say it is a joke. But it is what they mean.

Schrödinger‘s Douchebag: A person who says offensive things and decides whether they were joking based upon the reaction of people around them

The question you should be asking is – do they mean this because:

  • They are ignorant
  • They thought they were fitting in
  • They have a phobic response to something
  • They are just not a nice person

Another question that is good to ask is – what are you going to do about it? Some good options are:

  • Challenge it
  • Educate and advocate
  • Help them recognise it is irrational
  • Avoid them if they won’t or can’t learn

Your choice may depend on your energy levels and safety.

Schrödinger's Douchebag: A person who says offensive things and decides whether they were joking based upon the reaction of people around them

Are you good?

Frequently people are told they are good or bad, and sometimes the people doinng the telling have good intention and are wrong, have bad intentions and are wrong, or may actually be right. There is a signficiant loss of power when we let someone else tell us if we are good or bad – we need a quick method to do an internal check.

Here is my 5 finger test for if you are “Good”.

  1. Did you kill anyone? If no, then good
  2. Did you deliberately hurt anyone? If no, then good
  3. If you accidentally actually hurt someone did you apologise and work out ways to do better? If yes, then good
  4. If someone needs actual help, and you had some spare resource, did you offer to help? If yes, then good
  5. Were you generally polite and pleasant to people? If yes, then good

If you got “good” on all 5, then you are a good person

If you got “no” on 1 or more, you have some work to do

Alt text is the same as above