Musings

Some people say mean things, and when they get chastised for it, will say it is a joke. But it is what they mean.

Schrödinger‘s Douchebag: A person who says offensive things and decides whether they were joking based upon the reaction of people around them

The question you should be asking is – do they mean this because:

They are ignorant
They thought they were fitting in
They have a phobic response to something
They are just not a nice person

Another question that is good to ask is – what are you going to do about it? Some good options are:

Challenge it
Educate and advocate
Help them recognise it is irrational
Avoid them if they won’t or can’t learn

Your choice may depend on your energy levels and safety.

Schrödinger's Douchebag: A person who says offensive things and decides whether they were joking based upon the reaction of people around them

Frequently people are told they are good or bad, and sometimes the people doinng the telling have good intention and are wrong, have bad intentions and are wrong, or may actually be right. There is a signficiant loss of power when we let someone else tell us if we are good or bad – we need a quick method to do an internal check.

Here is my 5 finger test for if you are “Good”.

Did you kill anyone? If no, then good
Did you deliberately hurt anyone? If no, then good
If you accidentally actually hurt someone did you apologise and work out ways to do better? If yes, then good
If someone needs actual help, and you had some spare resource, did you offer to help? If yes, then good
Were you generally polite and pleasant to people? If yes, then good

If you got “good” on all 5, then you are a good person

If you got “no” on 1 or more, you have some work to do

Schrödinger’s Douchebag

Are you good?