Sometimes, despite our best efforts, life happens and all that we can do is hold on until the ride is over. It may seem scary and that we can’t possibly survive, but we will and do. This feeling is called the Trauma Coaster.
Frequently people are told they are good or bad, and sometimes the people doinng the telling have good intention and are wrong, have bad intentions and are wrong, or may actually be right. There is a signficiant loss of power when we let someone else tell us if we are good or bad – we need a quick method to do an internal check.
Here is my 5 finger test for if you are “Good”.
Did you kill anyone? If no, then good
Did you deliberately hurt anyone? If no, then good
If you accidentally actually hurt someone did you apologise and work out ways to do better? If yes, then good
If someone needs actual help, and you had some spare resource, did you offer to help? If yes, then good
Were you generally polite and pleasant to people? If yes, then good
If you got “good” on all 5, then you are a good person
If you got “no” on 1 or more, you have some work to do